What should I do, where should I go? 
Where should I fly, how should I try? 
Should I take one step forward, should I hold one step behind?
Oh, how afraid I am of the future

Knowing nothing except fighting
Just making sure I’m not doing nothing
Because I know there must be something
Something powerful beyond everything

I can no longer assume nor expect things
As I am only doing what my hands are able to,
My heart directs me to what tomorrow brings 
Doing the best for my part 

Do the best, Suci, do the best
Then, let the Almighty do the rest

~Suci

***

Dear Europe,

You should know, my youngest brother’s shoe size is now as big as mine
His back is now becoming wider, slow but sure, transforming to a man’s back
When we are standing, I can see his eyes just slightly, very slightly, below my sight
Can you imagine how far the time has flown?

The foods are just the same because My mother’s cooking is still the best in world
But I know that she cannot stand longer than she usually did in the past,
Especially when she had to stir that Rendang curry which needs, oh my God, so-long-very-long time until set

When they picked me up from the airport yesterday, it wasn’t my father who drove the car. It was him, my not-so-little brother, who now already has number 2 in the first digit of his age. He, who used to argue about everything that I said but still whimpered to follow me playing hide and seek in the nearest park.

Dear Europe,

I had given up three-days Tokyo once but turned out to have another ten-days Tokyo just a year after
I was losing a year in Tokodai but He gave me a very beautiful and memorable journey in Malaysia which made us-us right now

Dear Europe,
Call me coward, call me weird, call me funny, but I am not joking
I am not taking Hawaii nor San Fransisco nor New York
Nor even you, for now.

Sorry to say this, because I know,
Your seasons will always be four
The Eiffel will still be there
The tulips will always bloom in spring every year

Spain can wait,
But being home cannot.

It will always still be, the best holiday I can have.

 

Bandar Lampung, 22nd June 2017
Suci Fadhilah

 

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